When we decide to do something…to change our situation, start an exercise routine, enroll in college…anything…we think we are creating change…but are we, or are we following an unseen script that guides us? After all, we are the ones who decided to make the change…but where did the decision to do so come from? Maybe we cannot know, and maybe it doesn’t matter. When we watch a new movie, or read a new book, the story’s been written; the script as well, yet it is still exiting for us and we don’t even think of the fact that it’s all been written…for to us, its an untraveled path, and the ending is unknown…and that’s good enough.
Many of us struggle, trying to find our path, feeling that if we don’t try hard enough, we might miss it. Stemming from my own insecurity, I often forget that I can’t fail at being me. For nine gestational months everything fell into place without my hand, without my guidance. Why would I think that the next chapter would be any different, and the more control I grasp for, the less control I have? Let go, lighten up.
If I work hard enough I’ll get there. If I earn that college degree, I’ll have my dream job. I have to be careful to do whats right…I don’t want to fuck up. God knows, if my life is shitty, it’s because I fucked up somewhere. It’s all my fault, right? After all…I am the one in control, right?…